Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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