I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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