One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
