i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
