Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
