I think I won the penis lottery.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
