Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he was CRYING into my vagina
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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