Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
