Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
