I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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