If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
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Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize