I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
