the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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