your parents love me but you hate me
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
