Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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