So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
