I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
