i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
