Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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