Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize