Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
