There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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