the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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