Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
