I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize