It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
