Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
