Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize