fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
