nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
