After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
