he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
