found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
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