he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize