Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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