Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
