I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
