Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
