just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
