i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
