there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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