How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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