He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
