this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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