not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
