Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
