I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize