smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
