Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
