I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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