New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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