Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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