Barsexuality is the new black.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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