Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
