how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
