even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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