are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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