So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize