it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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