Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
