and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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