Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize