jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
