i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
