it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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