Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
