I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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