My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
