So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize