its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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