I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
