So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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