is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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