Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize