Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
