How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
