Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
