you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
