god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
