One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
