peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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