yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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