You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
