Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
