I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
its liver damage thursday
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
