I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
