My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
