just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Is it penis luge time yet?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
