it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
