My liver just broke up with me...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
