I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
NoShamevember. You game?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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