I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
