I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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